Life as art

I've been poking around Depth Psychology Alliance's website - amazing source of information and inspiration - and was struck by the following blog post by C.Victor Posing:

Tension and Release

All great music has the pattern of “tension and release.”  This process creates a main theme, and then starts to intensify by adding intervals (scale music notes) to reach a state of tension,  and then gives a release.  This creates interest and complexity in the composition.

Likewise,  in our spiritual path there are added obstacles to create a feeling of tension in the form of uneasiness, or abandonment, which causes us to seek and search out the reason for this feeling.  Then, we build up a desire once again for that closeness, and oneness with the Divine, and the feeling of “bliss” returns.  This is the natural process of transformation

On the one hand, it's vital that we see difficult times - those times of "tension" - as good friends who bring us the gifts we need to grow. Every obstacle, both inner and outer, is an opportunity to learn and grow. But recently, even beyond the need to grow, I've been feeling more and more as if our lives are like art. In a post from a couple of days ago Wrestling with angels, I wrote the following, which I felt was so meaningful that I changed this blog's subheader to include it.

The point isn't the having or the getting, but the wanting, the feeling. It's like making great art... or appreciating it. What matters are the feelings you experience, and the way that experience alters you; deepens your connection to yourself, to others, and to life. So one can say that our lives themselves are a great art.

The soul is not the ego - in many ways it stands opposed to the ego. The purpose of the ego is to protect the self. The purpose of the soul is to live, to experience, to feel deeply. While we need the ego to survive, if it gains control of our mind, our lives are reduced to small, petty, fear filled things. The ego is a great servant, but a terrible master - we need it to survive, but it must be subordinate to the parts of us that have a larger picture of life.

Times of difficulty are both opportunities for us to release ego fear and ego defensiveness, unburying true inner selves... but they are also of value in and of themselves. We go to great art to be moved - all of our feelings, not just the pretty ones. When an art form shies away from the painful feelings, we call it "saccharine," "artificial," "shallow." In order for our lives to be rich, full of meaning and depth, we need the difficult times as well as the easy ones, the pain as well as the joy. That pain not only makes our joy more intense, it is itself something our soul craves, as the soul desires above all to live a full, human life.


Edit:

Something else I thought of that follows tension and then release patterns: sneezing. And sex. Actually, many things related to the body follow that pattern.

Tarot musings: Journey through the major arcana

Something just occurred to me as I was organizing the tarot into suits (I wanted to go back to some older readings and see if I had any further insights with hindsight)... It's something that should be obvious but I never really thought of it before... Each card of the ten card cycle has some relationship to the corresponding card(s) of the next cycle(s) (0 and 1 have three corresponding cards, while the rest have only two.)

Each cycle is goes around a life once, then comes back and goes through the same cycle, but at a higher level: first 0 to 10 o 20, 1 to 11 to 21, then 2 to 12 and so on. Each series can be seen as a progression from lower to higher levels of growth. Combined with the Tree of Life numbers:


0: Malkuth/"The Kingdom"

The end of all roads, the return to the realm of the spirit. It is the true, spiritual result of the journey, if you only have the Wisdom to understand it.

The Fool, the beginning of all journeys - leads to the Wheel of Fortune, the endless cycle of reincarnation - finally ends at Judgment, when all past sins are washed clean and we begin again. At the first stage, we only see beginnings, knowing nothing. The first time we go through the cycle, we come to understand that it is endless, beginning leading to ending, then back again. But as we gain spiritual understanding, we realize that karma doesn't exist - we can get off the endless cycle and be truly reborn.

Brought down to the mundane level: at first we don't know why we do things, then we realize we're making the same stupid mistakes over and over, perhaps generationally. If we can gain wisdom and understanding, we can stop that cycle and be reborn into someone new, someone cleansed of that compulsion


1: Keter/"Crown"

The point beyond which our comprehension of the Nothingness cannot go, the First Thing which explodes into being from the Nothingness, the primordial energy from which all things are created. In life, it is promise, potential, premonitions.

The magician, channeling power from the world of the spirit to the mundane world - to Justice, the laws of Karma - to The World, wholeness and completion. At first, we come to realize our power, how we have the great forces within our grasp. Then we realize the natural constraints placed upon us, particularly as encapsulated by the adage "You reap what you sow." Finally, you realize that all is one, you step back from your struggles and realize that you are already whole.

The mundane world version is close to the spiritual one: First, you must realize your own power. Then, that your actions have consequences. Finally, that it was all for the good - all that happened to you, all that you did, has made you who you are. It's all part of you.


2: Chokmah/"Wisdom"

Singularity expands forth into space and time, pure dynamic energy forever expanding forth. It is generation, the coming into being.

The division of Singularity into Duality - the division of the world into night and day, down and up, female and male. The High Priestess, the mysteries of the universe that are dependent on keeping - The Hanged Man, voluntary releasing one's ego to comprehend those mysteries and let them act on you.

Not quite sure what it translates to in the mundane world. Both are internal and contemplative, but the High Priestess seems passive, or at least she doesn't care to apply what she knows. She's just happy with knowing it. whereas the Hanged Man is definitely seeking something, even if he seems as passive as the High Priestess - he's made an active choice to be inactive, allowing wisdom to come to him in his stillness. Maybe in one you know but don't know, where in the second you have to make the choice to be still?


3: Binah/"Understanding"

Primordial feminine energy, the Great Mother of the Universe, cooling and nourishing the primordial fire into a multitude of forms. It is the fruition of the generation of Chokmah.

Birth and death - 3, The Empress to 13, Death. In most older religions, Death was a Goddess - the mother was seen as the Source of all life and the Devourer, and we know that one cannot be without the other.

In our lives, this is clear as one leads to the other - we become, then we let go of those selves so that something new can come into being.


4: Chesed/"Mercy"

Solidification, materialization. Things have begun to manifest. It is the end of the first stage and the first result, when what up to now was just idea has become reality.

The Emperor, making things come into being through the application of your will - to Temperance, balance in all things.

This is a very Tao concept - at the first stage, you learn to apply your will to the world, to shape it. But a wise ruler, whether or a kingdom or only the kingdom of the self, learns to apply their will in concert with the rhythm of life. Like a martial arts practitioner, they learn to harness their opponent's energy, thereby creating the greatest effect with the least effort.


5: Geburah/"Strength"

Upset of a stable system, the appearance of storm and stress, the potency and vigor of the feminine principle. The primoridal generative power of Binah in the material plane. In life it is reversal, the turning of the wheel that instigates change and growth.

The Hierophant, the power of the tradition to keep society together - to The Devil, the power of the instinct. It's interesting that The Devil is at a higher level than the Hierophant - first we need the conservative influence that keeps society united, but at a higher level is the need to keep the channel open to the primitive, passionate instinct. What's also interesting is that these are both in the place of destabilization - 5 in the tarot is always the place where the solidity of 4 breaks downs. It's a generative number, connected to the "primordial generative power of Binah," number 3. Still not 100% sure of what it all means...

Our own lives often follow this sequence - we live our lives according to what society tells us we should, and then something in us rebels and we connect to the deep reservoirs of passion within us.


6: Tiphareth/"Beauty"

Consciousness in it's most harmonized and balanced form (and it is in form, not idea), the four elements at their practical best. The center of the system and the only physically manifesting sephiroth that is directly connected to Kether, the First Cause, and can easily rule over the rest of the sephiroth. It's the number of Aphrodite and her union of opposites; male and female, spiritual and physical. It is harmony. In life, it is movement from the reversal of Geburah.

The Lovers, the harmonious union of opposites - to The Tower, the violent upheaval that creates at the same time as it destroys. Seen in relation to the upheaval of 5, The Lovers is the passionate desire for union that's the result of, and antidote for, the concern with the stability of society of the Hierophant and the Tower is cleansing that often comes from the eruptions from the Id of the Devil.

Love has a disrupting influence - it can destroy lives, but even when it does, it usually does so by clearing away what was actually dead and clearing the space for new life, and new hope.


7: Netzach/"Victory"

Unbalanced, taking a great risk and doing it by frantic struggle. In life, it is the effect of the movement of Tipareth.

The Chariot, control of one's emotions by feeling them - to The Star, hope in the darkness. Again, both of these naturally lead from the previous cards, The Lovers and The Tower, but both are connected to each other - in the first cycle, we learn to control our feelings, but in the higher cycle, we learn to have faith, no matter what our feelings are doing, whether we're speaking spiritually or in the mundane world.


8: Hod/"Splendor"

Chokmah on the earthly plane. Bringing into being rather than coming into being, it is the work that must be done to grow.

Another set of cards that's related to previous cards, this time the Emperor and Temperance. Strength, inner strength and persistence necessary to tame the inner beast - The Moon, going into the beast itself, into it's darkness, without any light, not even inner light. Surviving through the dark night of the soul through nothing less than persistence. The work needed to bring about either material or spiritual results.

In the first cycle, we learn to control our passions through patience and persistence. In the second, we learn to survive in the belly of the beast through patience and persistence.


9: Yesod/"The Foundation"

Stability, crystallization of the journey. It is the temporal, earthly final result.

The Hermit, learning that that which we are seeking is within us - The Sun, learning that that which we seek is what we already are. The "inner light" which lights our way is our inner Sun, which is the God Within, or we ourselves.

In our lives, it's first learning that everything we're doing is really about something inside of us. Then that it's what's inside of us that is what we're seeking.


I'm not 100% sure of any of these - they're just early thoughts - but I have a definite feeling that they're connected to each other. As always, this is a work in progress.

Wrestling with angels

Lately, I've been struggling and struggling with my feelings. On the one hand, I really want to let them go. I hate feeling needy, especially when I think my feelings aren't returned. Quite honestly, it's humiliating.

On the other hand, I keep getting signs that I'm not supposed to let these feelings go. Dammit.

Then, as I was poking through Amazon for books on Jungian and archetypal psychology, I found Edward F. Edinger's book Ego and Archetype. One of the reviewers, Richard Borkow, had the following to say:

"Ego and Archetype emphasizes that (1) God is directly experienced within, at the core of the human psyche, that (2) spiritual maturation requires a radical shift away from narrow ego focus and towards subordination of the ego to God-within and that (3) maturation is accomplished only if the individual squarely faces and confesses the almost unbearable inadequacies, pretensions and selfishness of the unguided ego."  

Reading this struck a chord in me. I've been pondering it since last night when I read the above and realized that this is what I've been struggling with. It's my ego that's worried about being humiliated. And I realized that my desire to shed myself of my "neediness" is really just another way of avoiding feeling what I need to feel. Instead of running away from my feelings, I need to move through them.

I've also come to a realization about another thing that's really been bothering me (besides my Persephone longing for a soulmate connection with another); feeling like this is a one sided relationship. Not that I feel more for him than he feels for me, but that I've made this into a huge thing when he feels nothing for me. It makes me feel like I'm one of those delusional crazy people who think they have a deep, personal relationship with [fill in the name of your favorite movie star]. This is probably the most humiliating thing. But something just popped into my head about this - it doesn't matter. Not the being deluded about their feelings (that would definitely be a problem, and a sign of some sort of seriously distorted thinking.) But having a one-sided relationship isn't a problem. The point is to grow through whatever it is that you're supposed to grow through.

Even in a two sided relationship this happens, it just happens both ways. Or at least one hopes it does! Any relationship which is dynamic and real will be opportunities for the people to go through this angel wrestling and grow. Whether it actually is two sided or not, or how equal it is or not, has nothing to do with our need to pass through it... except insofar as the experience allows us to transcend our need for it to be equal.

I know that this is a large part of the reason I've cut myself off from relationships, this fear of humiliation and desire to protect my fragile ego. So now my worst fear has come true and I find myself in exactly that predicament. My Archetype (not sure who, Persephone or Hades) is asking me to do just that, and the question is, can I? Do I believe that we get exactly what we need at a particular time to grow, including the relationships we need? Can I really do what is required of me to grow to the next stage? Can I?

The image of Jacob wrestling with an angel comes to mind - Jacob as the Ego, the self, which, blind to the spiritual realm, fights with the Archetype, the angel, god. From the New International Version:

That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."

But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
 
The man asked him, "What is your name?"
 
"Jacob," he answered.
 
Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
 
Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
 
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

Some thoughts on the story: The angel struggles with him - the learning opportunity comes to you, out of the blue, while you're just minding your own business, traveling on your life's journey. And it comes to you when you are your most vulnerable; alone, with nothing. In the course of the struggle, he was wounded - you're not going to come out of this unchanged. It is only through persistence that you can overcome, persistence through the dark night - but when you have, you will be reborn, a new person. Your life will be fertile, and you will be able to accomplish great things. This is the struggle between your Ego, which is concerned with "looking good," and your Archetype, your inner god, who wants you to grow and deepen. It's only by submitting your Ego to your Archetype, freeing yourself from the small, petty, inward looking self, that you can live fully. This is freedom from the fear of ego death.

These are just some early thoughts, and I haven't actually gone through my own struggle with the angel. I still feel these feelings inside me. But at least I have some idea of what needs to be done.

... If this isn't "exotic nourishment," hated by the controlling Inner Cop, then I don't know what is.


Edit:

One more thing that just occurred to me; The point isn't the having or the getting, but the wanting, the feeling. It's like making great art... or appreciating it. What matters are the feelings you experience, and the way that experience alters you; deepens your connection to yourself, to others, and to life. So one can say that our lives themselves are a great art.

Two ways of looking at archetypes

And other "underworld" work.


1. The rational way

"Underworld" is another way of saying "subconscious." Basically, what Jung said (and yes, even Freud, as much as I dislike him.) Very little of our consciousness is actually conscious - icebergs, with their 10% visible, 90% submerged are a useful analogy. And speaking of analogies, the subconscious doesn't deal with facts and figures and logic. It's language is myth and poetry and dreams. But the vast subconscious is powerful, and it can either destroy us or gives meaning and beauty to our lives.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that personal growth is the only source of meaning or beauty in our lives. Science is full of amazing, awe inspiring beauty. And there's nothing more meaningful to a mature person than living for something larger than yourself, living for others. But when we've straightened out the knots and blockages in our subconscious, we no longer have violent eruptions of rage or fear hamstringing us and keeping us from living our lives fully. Believe me, I've been there and done that. I spent the last ten years of my life doing activism, and, while I'm proud of it and glad I did it, I know I could have done so much more if I'd been emotionally healthy. But the only way to do that is to work through your emotional issues through your subconscious.

There are many ways to do that; dreams, divination, meditation, etc. All of these are ways to send a line down into the depths of the subconscious, to set up a two way communication. You can figure out why you're doing or feeling what you're doing and feeling, and start releasing the pain and fear that's holding you back. Your subconscious mind will pick out the things and make the interpretations you need to understand consciously to progress to the next stage of your work.


2. The Dreaming Way

The other way to look at this is to take everything at face value: the gods do exist, the tarot and your dreams are speaking to you. Yes YOU. The universe is full of magic, and it's got a message for you if you only open your ears to hear it. This is the way your subconscious self is seeing things, and it's weird the way things seem to work out.

In this way of seeing things, there are two worlds: the "real" world, where the laws of physics works and things have a cause and an effect. And then there's the mythic world, a larger than life world where Platonic archetypes can actively affect your life in the  real world.

There's something about human beings that allows these two worlds to meet - there are two sides to our natures that can hook into these two worlds, and we become the place where they join.


Why both ways of seeing are useful

The first way is obvious, but any rational person would ask, why deliberately delude yourself?

The short answer is because it's useful. It works. So long as you don't forget you're dealing with myths and metaphors in order to access your subconscious, its a very powerful tool to straighten out your issues and become a fuller, more whole and healthy human being.

We do have this non-rational side to ourselves. And if it wasn't the source of so much suffering I'd say, fine, let it be. But we often can't release the really bad stuff without going to that part of ourselves, and in order to work with it we have to be non-rational as well. And if it wasn't the source of so much joy I'd say let it be. But it is. When we have these channels cleared and freed from all the garbage, we find we're no longer afraid of others, or of living. We like ourselves. And we like other people. We're hopeful and optimistic, but not blindly so.

This is an important part of ourselves. At least as important as our rational selves, at least to our personal well being. But even to others - how can you possibly help others if you're a complete basket case? How can you even love others or be friends if you're reactive and full of rage, or controlling, or fearful? We can't get stuck mucking about our personal Underworlds - to do so would be self absorbed and, quite honestly, pathetic - but we can't live fully in the "real" world without having done some work there.

The question is: Are we free? Are we living fully, and loving without reservation? If not, then we have some work to do in the Underworld.

Are manic pixies always evil?

There's a common trope beloved by sensitive boy directors looking to be saved by true, bubbly love and she's called "Manic Pixie Dream Girl." Some movies referred to in a Sociological Images article about her are:

Garden State (Natalie Portman)
Elizabethtown (Kirstin Dunst)
500 Days of Summer (Zooey Deschanel)

I think it's pretty clear the kind of character MPDG refers to: on the up side, she's up. REALLY, up - she's perky and fun and playful and usually succeeds at getting our depressed hero out of the doldrums where he can learn many valuable life lessons and be a happier, better person in the end. On the down side, since the MPDG is basically a tool where the writer or director gets rescued by some cute, fun, hot chick, she's has as much depth as a very thin crepe.

I've been feeling conflicted because I feel like I'm my Hades guy's MPDG and I haven't been sure that that's a good thing. But after some thought, I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with the trope itself - in fact, tropes are our modern day archetypes. Obviously, no one is just a single trope, anymore than they're a single archetype - we're too multifaceted to be compressed into something so one dimensional. But they do speak to things that are true.

I think the only real problem with the MPDG is with the way she's been written. NO ONE is that happy all the time. And no one exists only in relation to one person. Why not show the Pixie while she's at home, washing her hair, or arguing with her mom over her latest tattoo. Or show her unsure and angry, or sad, or scared - not even Manic Pixies are manic all the time. In fact, if Manic Pixies are Persephone's, as I think they are, then you're going to have some crazy emotional crap going on on a regular basis. Which may scare emotionally immature boy writers who want to be rescued and not have to deal with a real human being, but it would make for a much more interesting, and more powerful, story. Maybe they can rescue each other. Or help each other rescue themselves!

So now I don't feel so bad about being a Manic Pixie Dream Girl to my dour (or so he thinks) Mr. H.

One random Persephone thing... I think

I've also become obsessed with these sugar free Altoid Smalls, these teeny but REALLY STRONG peppermints.

One of the rare times Hades' eye roved involved the nymph Minthe. Persephone crushed her underfoot and turned her into the mint plant.

... Any possible connection? Hmmmm...

On feelng derrrrr

I've always been articulate. Words always came easily to me, and I could express myself verbally or, even more, in writing. It felt like water flowing from my brain to my hands and out to whatever I was writing with. But lately I've really been struggling with putting things into words - to the point where I'm remembering all the signs of Alzheimer's and becoming worried. But it just occurred to me - maybe this is a part of Hecate losing her place as the main archetype I relied on and Persephone becoming more dominant?

Persephone is often characterized by her difficulty with the world of the mind - while I still love science, I'm not as absorbed while listening to science podcasts... and I'm really struggling with reading about it. I'm also finding that I express myself more in metaphors while, at the same time, I'm really struggling to find exact vocabulary words. Goddess Power talks about this in her description of Persephone:

Musing and intuitive nature rather than intellectual mind - difficulty ‘explaining’ her reasoning as it is an intuitive perception.

Persephone type has difficulty discriminating and has difficulty putting her impressions into words.

At the same time, she's very comfortable in the spiritual realm:

Keen ability to cross over into other realms of psychic consciousness - very at home in the world beyond the physical senses

Strong connection to spirit - deep ambivalence toward outer world & her sense of being misunderstood & alienated from conventional society

When I first read this I felt this was completely different from who I was, but it's a pretty accurate description of who I am becoming. When I first started working with archetypes, not only was Persephone incredibly young (like 10 years old), she was completely silent. Almost non-existent! I didn't even recognize her as one of my archetypes until I took Goddess Power's quiz, let alone know she was my primary archetype! And now she's so powerful she's changing my personality... She's grown so much!

So maybe I'm not going senile! I'm just becoming more Persephone. Which is fine - if I had to choose between the personal growth I've gained, or the ability to express myself clearly and with ease, I'd definitely go for the former!