Thursday, August 30, 2012

Being Prometheus

Monday of this week was a HUUUUUGE, monsoon like storm, which had completely blown over by the time I had to go out for lunch. When I came back to the office, however, I saw what at first I thought was a dead locust. It turned out to be a dead praying mantis (!!!) I took it as a sign that something, and not something good, was up with my Inner Mantis.

A couple of days ago, I had another freakout at work; worried that I was a terrible worker, would never be able to do my job effectively, would get fired and end up living on the streets, etc., etc. When I started doing visualization work later that night, I felt/saw vultures ripped out my stomach, like Prometheus. I was panicky and terrified. Then they changed into owls; it was still serious but it became more sacrificial and ritualistic. And off and on since then, the panicked feelings will come back and those visions will be in my head.

Before all this I had a dream about how we all put these giant belts around our midsection, which give us "super powers" but keep us from being our real selves. I realized that that's why we have these horrible, humiliating experiences; to rip off this artificial barrier we created to get by in the world. Each time I go through another round of the stomach-ripping, afterwards, I feel calmer and the world clearer.

Things have slowed down a bit as far as this kind of work is concerned (although I'm getting signals that I need to get back with the program) but this was a pretty interesting and encouraging development.

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