Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Freeing Persephone

I've been doing a LOT of Persephone work with Hades.

For one thing, I gave Sarah and Jareth an actual happy ending... Well, not actually a happy ending so much as a happy beginning.

For another, this whole period has been one of upwelling energy, and joy, and compassion, for myself and others. One thing I just realized tonight is that I no longer feel compelled to make people like me. I noticed that I was full of joy, and acting joyfully with people. I don't feel pressured to do things but I'm finding that I want to do things - I want to make people happy. Little things like getting one of my bosses who was stressed out and exhausted from a (series of) late night(s) working on a deal a cup of coffee. Or spending time talking with, interacting with in an open, joyful way with a woman who'd really hurt me, and who I had basically cut off in Hecate vengeance. I was able to talk with her, as women will, about silly things (this conversation was about hair straightening) but I felt open and free. The same with the people I met at the lunch truck... the same really with everybody.

I think a lot of this energy that's been freed in me is my Persephone's young, optimistic, happy joy. Although the joy's always been there in muted form - mostly expressing itself through silliness and playfulness - it was wounded by my underlying terror of people's disapproval and dislike. I found it exhausting to be with people - I was working so hard to make them like me, to be whatever it was that they wanted me to be. I really hated it. But I noticed tonight that I don't care anymore. And not like how I don't care when Hecate is ascendant - then, I'm like "FUCK YOU!!!" all terrifying vengeful Hecate, avenger of the weak (like Persephone.) This is a different kind of not caring. The compassion that opens up in you as your eyes open to people's God(dess) natures... and their struggles to manifest them... frees Persephone from her "like me like me please like me" compulsion. All that's left is her joy.

... One aside: the only other times I've felt like this have been with my Dionysus-es. For example, when F. and I go out, I'm often free and joyful like this. And I'm trying to remember about second boyfriend B. and I was like that when I was with him, too. Maybe the reason I seek out playful Dionysus is to free poor, beaten down Persephone from her fear so she can, at least for a little while, feel the carefree, loving joy that is her birthright.

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